A few months back I woke up in my room, looked across at my bookshelf and thought “I am 32 years old… why the HELL do I still have stuffed winnie the poohs in my room?? What am I, like 10 years old??? I had the vintage pooh, Christmas Pooh, Valentine’s Day Pooh, not to mention my raggedy old pooh that i sleep with.
How shameful. Those things have been up there for ages. It took way too long for me to have some shame and put them away in a box.
What does it mean to have no shame? Sadly there are lots of things I do on a regular basis to be embarrassed about, and the Winnie the Poohs were at the very very bottom of the list. This is a list topped by:
- True and honest fear of clowns
- My favorite thing to do when I get home is take off my pants
- I take the crusts off my bread – this includes sandwiches, croissants, rolls, etc. Hamburger and hot dog buns are included.
- When I used to work at a hotel I’d dance in the elevator in between floors
- I use my boobs to get better bartender service at clubs
- Sticking q-tips into my ears and turning them eeeever so slowly makes my eyes roll up into the back of my head.
- I have thrown up behind a rainbow-colored trash can at a gay bar. (not IN the trash can, behind it. so not cute)
- Very few things in life beat a Saturday night in bed watching Britcoms on PBS
- I read Jane Austen because I think it’s fun
- I’m obsessed with the Travelocity Gnome… to the point that I took my gnome with me on my cruise and posted gnome vacation pics on Facebook.
- I proudly claim my own farts
- my favorite meal is brunch – what other meal allows for mimosas and tater tots??
- i question the I.Q. of anyone that uses “your” and “you’re” incorrectly (isn’t that awful?). Sometimes I question it out loud, followed by a query of whether
- Yesterday when walking into Lowe’s with Casey the Roomie I told him “My bunghole itches”… within earshot of the greeter. Did I care? Nope.