No Shame


A few months back I woke up in my room, looked across at my bookshelf and thought “I am 32 years old… why the HELL do I still have stuffed winnie the poohs in my room?? What am I, like 10 years old??? I had the vintage pooh, Christmas Pooh, Valentine’s Day Pooh, not to mention my raggedy old pooh that i sleep with.

How shameful. Those things have been up there for ages. It took way too long for me to have some shame and put them away in a box.

What does it mean to have no shame? Sadly there are lots of things I do on a regular basis to be embarrassed about, and the Winnie the Poohs were at the very very bottom of the list. This is a list topped by:

  • True and honest fear of clowns
  • My favorite thing to do when I get home is take off my pants
  • I take the crusts off my bread – this includes sandwiches, croissants, rolls, etc. Hamburger and hot dog buns are included.
  • When I used to work at a hotel I’d dance in the elevator in between floors
  • I use my boobs to get better bartender service at clubs
  • Sticking q-tips into my ears and turning them eeeever so slowly makes my eyes roll up into the back of my head.
  • I have thrown up behind a rainbow-colored trash can at a gay bar. (not IN the trash can, behind it. so not cute)
  • Very few things in life beat a Saturday night in bed watching Britcoms on PBS
  • I read Jane Austen because I think it’s fun
  • I’m obsessed with the Travelocity Gnome… to the point that I took my gnome with me on my cruise and posted gnome vacation pics on Facebook.
  • I proudly claim my own farts
  • my favorite meal is brunch – what other meal allows for mimosas and tater tots??
  • i question the I.Q. of anyone that uses “your” and “you’re” incorrectly (isn’t that awful?). Sometimes I question it out loud, followed by a query of whether
  • Yesterday when walking into Lowe’s with Casey the Roomie I told him “My bunghole itches”… within earshot of the greeter. Did I care? Nope.

I could go on and on. The upshot is that I don’t care if ANYONE knows any of those things. It’s stuff that’s simply part of who I am and I have no shame about any of it. Some of it makes me literally laugh out loud. Some of it I don’t even realize is happening until there’s a pile of sandwich crusts next  to me in the lunch room
with a coworker staring at me and my lunch like I’m a circus freak.
The point is, my shame tolerance is fairly considerable most of the time. Yet as I was sitting in my room alone and eyeing the stuffed animals I was embarrassed. So I found a box and packed them all up. They’re on a shelf in my closet, on the off chance that I do eventually get married and have kids and want to share my Winnie the Pooh weirdness with my offspring. Until then, there’s only room for one stuffed animal in my room…
 How could I give him up?  He’s like boy friend AND he never hogs the covers. 🙂

One response »

  1. You really don’t have any shame. But you. Should be proud. The best folks in life have no shame, that’s how they become so great.

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