Sick Behavior


I haven’t posted in almost two weeks… I must admit, not sharing all my business via blogging has been strange. 🙂


Firstly, let me start by saying tonsilitis sucks. I kinda wish I’d kept a diary of my crazy while I was sick – it’s amazing how much your behavior changes by virtue of a bacterial infection and the increasing paranoia that develops courtesy of seriously strong medication.


I was at book club… ahem, *Fight Club* when I first started feeling ill. Of course, my fellow Fight Clubberes were convinced it was the cheeseburger I ate, and taunted me for defying my lastose intolerance. LOL, one person even suggested I was allergic to cheese!!  By the time I got home I knew this was not cheese related. I immediately stripped down and slipped into bed, shivering uncontrollably. I tried to nap by dosing up on nyquil. Didn’t work. By the next morning, I could barely talk or swallow.


I need to pause to say this: Karma is a mean, bitter cranky vindictive hag if you piss her off. And I guess I must have, because the only doctor I could get an immediate appointment with was – yep, you guessed it – hot doctor. If I wasn’t already convinced that I needed a new doctor, my visit to his office that day definitely confirmed it.


I got to the doctor’s office, 15 minutes before my appointment, and watched as everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, even people that came in 20, 30 minutes after me were checked in and called back while I sat upright in my own personal version of hell – shivering and sweating, blood pressure and fever rising with the CASEY ANTHONY  TRIAL droning on the television. an hour after I arrived, I was finally called back and placed in a room for 30 minutes with – guess what? Another television showing the CASEY ANTHONY TRIAL. Seriously, I have no idea who I pissed off or why. Or why the Casey Anthony trial became the conduit of my misery.


When hot doctor finally came in the room, I was a disgusting mess: hadn’t taken a shower since the day before, sweaty hair and skin, heinous breath because it hurt too much to open my mouth wide enough to brush, crusty eyes because i passed out in a nyquil-induced haze before taking them out, heart pounding. I think I actually grossed the doctor out, because I’ve never seen him get in and out of my room so fast. He confirmed I had strep, then made me take a pregnancy test (WTF???) then I waited for another 30 minutes until the tech came back in the room, shot my arm and left butt cheek up with drugs and sent me to the Walgreens for my prescription. I didn’t even see hot doctor again after he made me pee in the pregnancy cup.


(FYI: I am not pregnant!!)


He never explained the medication or what was in the shots. He didn’t even tell me when I could go back to work or anything. I asked the tech when I could go back to work, and she was like “why didn’t you ask the doctor?” Hmm… maybe because I was too busy peeing in a cup and struggling to swallow and form basics words. I was a little surprised by the lack of beside manner, not just from the tech, but from the doctor as well. I seriously must have grossed him out. I kinda grossed myself out. I mean, normally I get a little tease or flirt – I got NOTHING. He shot out of that room like his lab coat was on fire.


I spent the rest of the week miserable – the drugs he gave me induced excessive diarrhea, headaches, nausea and insomnia. I became convinced that they were eating into my brain and ruining my IQ, even though the BF told me they were just antibiotics. I subsisted on baby food applesauce, chicken broth and red jell-o. By day four, when Casey the roomie offered me applesauce, I burst into tears because I was so sick of soft foods. I couldnt even tell him why I was crying because I couldn’t talk. Apparently I sounded like a “retarded Marlee Matlin”. Who says that to a sick person? Oh, wait. Guy roomies do.


Since I couldnt sleep I watched a lot of tv – I saw Who Framed Roger Rabbit? at least twice, caught up on my DVR and got it down from 96% full to 46%, watched I Love the 80’s on VHI. I didn’t read books or update my blog because my attention span was gone, and the insomnia meant I nodded off at random times for 5 minute spells – while putting on my socks, peeing, postingon facebook.


I actually MISSED work!! I had a serious case of cabin fever, and a raging desire for hush puppies.  I  wondered, is this what it’s like coming down from quaaludes?


I’ve always been fairly hard on guys when they’re sick – I mean, come on, men act like sad puppies when they’re sick! Not that I don’t have empathy for them, but I so rarely get sick that I forget what it’s like to feel so miserable. This was definitely a learning moment 🙂 …all I wanted from people was a hug, and maybe solid food and the ability to swallow. It’s amazing how people’s behavior changes when they’re sick.

On the flip side, I did lost 10 pounds – nothing will jumpstart a diet like a bacterial infection!!


Oh, and I officially hate red jello.


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