Suck ’em Up Panties and Masochists

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Every big girl has a pair… or in my case, two.

I am referring to the suck ’em up panties… I wear them not just because they’re a little slimming, but all to smooth out my “silhouette”… or whatever. Regardless of the case, they became an addiction for me, something that made me feel just a little bit better about myself.

I can’t remember any time in my adult life when I didn’t have a pair. I’ve worn them everywhere. My second date with Boyfriend I remember jumping ten feet everytime he touched me for fear, he’d notice the heavy duty under pinnings.

I’ve worn suck’em up panties to the gym, to work, to da club, to the buffet. I have even considered wearing them to the beach but discarded the idea for fear of waterlogged panties dragging me into the sea.

Since I started the challenge 3 weeks ago, I have worn my suck’em up panties approximately 4 times. At first because I was so sore and slow from those first gym workouts that I didn’t want an extra layer between me and getting to the bathroom. Now that my “number” is out there for the world to see, courtesy of Orlando Magic TV, I’ve realized, I have nothing to hide anymore. In some ways it’s liberating to be released from the spandex, but also scary. The pressure is on, and I am having a hard time seeing results.

I’ve spoken to Trainer from Hell (as I’ve renamed my trainer) about this, and she assures me that eventually the work will pay off. I guess I just keep waiting to wake up and be a completely different looking person, and that’s not the case. It’s still hard to accept that this is a journey, not a quick fix destination. I am literally reminding myself of this daily – it’s almost become an affirmation.

Hell Trainer is really good at reminding me of that fact, and helping me keep my morning eating habits in check. I called her a sadist last week based on my theory that trainers essentially get paid to torture people. She laughed and accepted it as a compliment. She’s clearly disturbed, but an important part of Team Sunburnt Peach that helps keep the whole campaign running.

And this IS a campaign – a campaign for a new way of living and thinking about my health. I could never do this effectively alone, I’m a desperately social creature that needs to have people around me. 🙂 It’s true – and embracing that fact has made it easier to handle the outpouring of support I’ve received, from the sincerely absurd to the hilariously overzealous. Team Sunburnt Peach helps me keep my sense of humor and is also the people to whom I’m accountable to, win or lose. Team Sunburnt Peach includes everyone reading this post.

Every campaign has it’s bumps in the road. Two weeks ago I went all out and re-vamped my eating habits, then got frustrated when things didn’t just turn around immediately. I drove myself crazy last week checking the scale constantly to see if I’d lost anything, getting excited when the scale went down and then slumping into a depression when the weight went up a pound or two, and accepting defeat when one of the other guys had lsot 10 pounds already.

This week I decided to focus on me and keep my blinders on, and my view straight ahead at my goal – to  lose the pounds. Still, they slip off every once and a while, and all I see are people succeeding faster at they’re goal, and I start to wonder, what am I doing wrong??

One of the trainers suggested that I not keep focusing on the numbers, but remember that I am doing all the right things, and the weight will come off. She said that one of the biggest ways to tell a difference is seeing it in my clothes.

Tonight while I was picking out what to wear tomorrow, I came across one of my many Closet Enemies: a pair of black pants that I’ve never been able to wear because I couldn’t zip them up. For grins and giggles I just thought I’d try them on. If anything, I thought, how far up I’m able to zip them up (or not) is a good gauge of where I’m going.

Um. how about I zipped those pants ALL THE WAY UP?? Whacka waaa?? I ZIPPED THEM UP!!!!! UP! I AM GOING TO WEAR THEM TOMORROW!

What can I say? I cried. I zipped up those pants and stood there in shock and frickin’ teared up in my closet, staring at myself in the evil enemy pants… that actually kinda made my butt look GOOD.

I am finally starting to see results! Well maybe I don’t, but my pants do. It’s a tiny step but one more pair of pants in my closet that I don’t see as an enemy.

And I wasn’t even wearing my suck’em up panties. Imagine that.

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