So this Thanksgiving weekend, I was incredibly busy with something VERY VERY IMPORTANT!!! That’s right – I spent a good bit of time over my Thanksgiving weekend shopping for Christmas gifts, washing my hair , doing laundry and cleaning.
Ok, none of that is true.
What I actually did was watch TV, lots and lots or useless TV. And not the stuff that I’d previous DVR-ed, but live TV.
My penance for this was commercials. Lots of stupid, hilarious, retard commercials. These are my observations.
- Dyson Vacuums. Why is it that if the voice over person speaks in a British accent they automatically seem like a reliable source?
- T-Mobile. I swear, the elves in their Christmas commercial sound like they’re saying “walking in a orgy wonderland”, not “walking in a 4G wonderland”. Pervert elves.
- Speaking of elves… it’s the Christmas holidays. Is it wrong/ rude/ politically incorrect to wonder if little people get more work during this time of the year?
- Burlington Coat Factory. This one bothers me because usually it starts with one woman saying “look! like my jacket? I got a great deal!” and being proud of her new jacket. Then the know-it-all Burlington Coat Factory shopper has to butt in and point out how much crap she got for the same price at BCF, totally undermining the joy the first woman had in her new coat. Sometimes I kinda wanna slap BCF lady.
- EVERY PRODUCT out there right now has a Facebook page! Many even have a twitter! Why would I want to follow Tide on Twitter?
- Sun Drop. Why is she wearing tights under her shorts? Why is she dropping it like it’s hot while riding in an unmanned fishing boat? Do you think she’s gonna crash???
- KIA. The Party Rock Anthem Gerbils. As much as this commercial makes my booty shake, I can’t help but wonder how and why a carload of giant gerbils ended up in a battle zone? Of what appears to be a video game? It’s like one of those dinky commercials inserted into movies that’s not really real. But this one really is.
- Juicy Couture. The fragrance commercial looks like it was made by 2 brain dead hippies after a bad acid trip.
- M&Ms. The big red and yellow ones are putting out a dish of M&Ms for Santa Claus to eat. Isn’t that like, cannibalism or something similar? I mean, you’re sacrificing your brethren to feed the hunger of the big red and white hairy beast, also known as Santa.
- And finally… the one that took the cake… FOREVER LAZY… WTF?!?! Is this a real product? Who came up with this idea? An adult footie pajama/ fleece pantsuit that is apparently acceptable to wear outside of your home? ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? The best part is that, should you be too flippin lazy to take it off to pee, you can just UNZIP THE FRONT OR REAR TRAPDOORS. When I first saw this commercial, I thought it was a joke… but nope. I can order two of them plus fuzzy socks for $29.99.
I know there are others out there, but these are just the ones that played on the tv station I was watching. Any others I should add to the list???