CLEAN HOUSE: My personal episode of mayhem and foolishness

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I SWEAR TO GOD, our house is ONE episode away from being our own “Clean House” special.

Let me just tell you about my cleaning up experience this weekend.

I realize everyone has different variations on what “clean” really means, but I did not come close to completing my version of clean! I just kinda tidied up the edges. My house needs a deep cleaning like yesterday. I don’t know when the stairs have last been swept or vacuumed, so I started sweeping and ending up in a coughing fit and just quit. Then I piled up my messy roommate’s crap into a giant pile by the door… he’s like a fungus.. his crap just spreads around the house, and then he never comes back and picks it up. It looked like I was evicting a hobo! I’m too lazy to drag that foolishness upstairs, so I just left it there, hoping my guests would not notice.

Kitchen: can you say HOT EFFING MESS??! I loaded and ran the dishwasher on Thursday night, and since then, no one’s emptied it – they just added dishes to the sink. The fridge needs to be cleaned out, and I was running short on time so I didn’t mop, just swept really good. In the process I threw out a week old cake, some creamer, a half empty can of sierra mist (who drinks that anymore??) and ran the dishwasher twice. Found more roommate crap and added to the pile at the door which now resembled Trashy from Fraggle Rock (remember the singing pile of trash??).

BTW – Let’s talk about recyclables. Putting your empty can on the kitchen counter DOES NOT COUNT AS RECYCLING. Also, if you get conscientious enough to actually put your empty can of tortilla soup in the recycling bin, how about washing out the residue first? Make this up I do not.

My room is an ongoing project. Living with a dude in my room has changed my routine, and I have to stay ever vigilant in case our combined mayhem turns the room into a Hoarders episode. BBE is addicted to receipts I think, and he also likes a variety of ties left in various locations. I have a penchant for leaving out every pair pajama pants and socks that I own around the room. All in all, I guess my room wasn’t so bad, but I panicked because I think in my purging this week I accidentally tossed out a shoe box with a BRAND NEW PAIR OF NUDE PUMPS in it. Like UNWORN BRAND NEW FRICKING SHOES. Ugh.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe we should hire a maid. This is ridiculous.

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