Friendship Status

Standard

 

Based on my investigations (and wild speculations) I think that a friend of mine has just relegated me to “associate” level of friendship status. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

 

How to know if you’ve been downgraded from friend to “work friend” or “sometime friend” or “associate”:

 

  1. You no longer receive texts outside of Monday – Friday, 9am – 6pm.
  2. Actually …you no longer receive texts at all.
  3. You hardly ever see their posts on Facebook anymore, suggesting that you’re clearance status has been changed.
  4. You invite them to parties, which they decline, but do not say why.
  5. You are no longer invited to events outside of work related stuff. And that includes lunches outside of the break room!
  6. You find yourself no longer really sharing what’s going on in your life, because catching them up from the last time you talked would take too much time.
  7. Most of your communication takes place via email, and usually only when they need something, like a dog sitter or a ride to the airport.
  8. When they ask “did you cut your hair?” you look at them like they’re nuts because a) you cut your hair like, a month ago or b) your hair is exactly the same.
  9. Conversations are mostly weekend discussions, movies and… yeah. That’s pretty much it.

 

 

I’ve been suspecting this for a while, and with the recent decline of my invitation to our engagement party, I think all the pieces are falling into place and it all makes sense now. I’m a work associate. I have been moved from the friend group into the work associate group. Getting booted out of the group stinks. Well at least now I know where I stand.

I don’t know if I’m the only one that ever had to deal with this, but when I was in high school, I had three distinct friend groups:

– School friends

– Church friends

– Work friends

 

Mixing those friend groups was like crossing the red and black wires on a car battery. Or whatever those bad wires were that you were never, EVER allowed to let touch for fear that’s you’d become a science experiment on how tasing can go horribly wrong. While I don’t technically know what would happen, the fear of a massive explosion or epic tasering pretty much stopped it from trying it out. Occasionally I would have one friend from this group, and one or two from that group… and just hold my breath and pray. It’s not that I was different people with each group, it’s just that each group had it’s own distinct personality, and priorities, and taboos. Different jokes, and stories that didn’t make sense outside of those in the know. Telling the “Jessica are you STILL eatin?” or the “who’s your Superman now???” jokes to the wrong groups just simply doesn’t make sense. And then I feel awkward.

 

As an adult, it’s nice to have friends that you can mix and match into different group settings. The ones you can take to a drag show, a house party and a church, and everything’s just fine. The ones that go with the flow, and know how to relax and have a good time outside of the safe confines of their normal group. Kinda like those garanimals outfits that kids wear, and the pants will match with any shirt and the shirt will match any shorts, or skirt, etc, allowing little kids the liberty of putting together the outfit that suits their personality for the day without looking like a rag bag of random clothing. Using the kids’ clothing/ garanimals simile is pretty fitting because only the immature nut bags would cut a fool and make horses’ asses out of themselves while being introduced to other friends while at the aforementioned drag show, house party or church.Those nut bags are the ones that would also shit inside their own garanimals clothing and ruin the whole look of the outfit. And have to change into something else. Something way less cool. Shitting in your clothes sucks and is definitely no cool. And let’s face it, garanimals is pretty fricking cool.

 

 

It’s nice having garanimal friends because you can take them anywhere and know that they’ll have a good time and not offend, get moody, cry, or eat all the snacks/ use all the toilet paper at someone’s house. You know the topics that garanimal friends bring up in mixed company? Disparaging jokes about their mutual friend, weather, tv shows, anything the group can easily find common ground one. You know what topics garanimals DON’T bring up? Abortion, immigration, why you think President Obama is/ isn’t a good president, marriage amendments. Introducing one friend into another group is kinda like introducing different parts of your brain to each other, and hoping that your psyche’s Id doesn’t eat them both during the introductions. Your friends are a reflection of who you are. Why wouldn’t you want to share the best parts of yourself with the people that matter the most to you?

 

So getting back to being downgraded… all I can guess is that I didn’t reflect that part of my “associate’s” best self, that she decided that being my friend works best at arm’s length. Who knows why these shifts happen. Maybe she saw just a bit too much crazy in my one day, or maybe our friendship journey together is just simply drawing to its natural close. It’s a bummer because my crazy is pretty awesome.

Maybe it’s because I’m her nut bag friend that she doesn’t want to introduce to other friend groups, which is a shame. I hear I’m a pretty fun nut bag. Right????

 

 

 

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