Ghost Farts


Sweet Baby Jesus with pampers on. I just walked into someone’s butt mist and gagged (if you can’t figure out what I meant by “butt mist” please stop reading my blog). What’s really bad is my mouth was slightly open, so I feel like I was violated orally and nasally. I turned around and around in a circle, like that was going to help me figure out where the mysterious funk had appeared from. In reality it just delayed my stay in the butt mist.

Before I could vacate the scene of the crime someone else came around the corner, forcing me to yell “It wasn’t me!!” as I ran away. So now I look guilty, even though it wasn’t my DNA that carnage. I think I heard the next victim being choked by the mist. Who really knows? I sure didn’t look back.

Listen people, there is NOT excuse for that kind of aerated desecration. Whatever you’re eating that makes that kind of pollution needs to be stopped and made unlawful! Even taking my fiber gummies doesn’t make those kinds of things spring forth. I know I’ve been guilty of that “crop dusting” routine a few times, but at least I’m spreading it across 2-3 aisles of Target. This was CONCENTRATED. And totally uncool.


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