Was cleaning out my email inbox and found a lot of old emails from 2010 (don’t judge). Two good ones:
1 – A copy of the marriage certificate from a guy I used to date… one of my friends is a really good snoop and dug this info up for me. He explained that they were no longer married BUT she was still calling herself by their last name and posting on their page and talking about how cute her “hubby” was. Um, no. DUMPED!
2 – An email where I outlined to my friends that I’d been cancelled on for a date – by TEXT message. I’d saved that email because the excuse was so ludicrous, and shared it with a friend. Here’s how the story went:
Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Ok, I am officially giving up on dating!!! I just got dumped for a date by TEXT MESSAGE… who does that?!?
[me: here’s two of the best lines I’ve ever written in my life]: I will be a hermit, living alone with 30 cats. My ovaries will dry up, and I will never have any cute little brown babies, but be content will hurling insults at the neighborhood children as they put turds in my mailbox at Halloween, as I will be that crazy old lady in the corner house with the 30 cats.