Category Archives: Eccentricities

The Peach-Bean Strategem

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I know, I know. It’s been like 80 years. My bad yall.

 

In my defense, I’ve spent the last year in a whirlwind: engagement, wedding, now we are expecting!! Holy smokes right?

 

The Bean (yes, we call our son-to-be The Bean) is due in about 3 weeks, and I am so ready. As excited as we are about having our Bean here with us, this has been one long, long long pregnancy. I’ve gone through night sweats, day sweats, crazy dreams, swollen ankles, gigantic growing boobs, a waistline that refuses to give up the ghost resulting in a “B” belly silhouette that just makes me look fatter, broken underwire (while I was wearing it), waistbands of underwear just popping at work, swollen fingers that can’t wear my wedding rings, senseless crying, and many other ailments. I can no longer feel the urge to pee (thanks to my shifted bladder), so I just wear panty liners and do a lot of precautionary bathroom visits. I toddle about like a penguin from place to place bringing humor to whoever sees me, and get stuck in chairs in an endearing habit that the hubs calls “turtling”. My boss and GM have offered to buy Segway for me to get around the hotel. I’ve considered taking them up on it.

 

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What you can’t see here is that the elastic in my underwear’s waistband is busted, as is myunderwire… and my dignity.

 

All of this will be worth it once The Bean is here! Right?!?

 

So… anyway… that’s my excuse for being such a horrible slacker on my blog. I have missed this. So many stories and hot messes that I haven’t shared, hilarities that I didn’t document in their full glory. I hope I can make up for that.

 

For example, I’ve had one client recently tell me that she didn’t realize that I was pregnant, but just thought I was getting fatter (!) while another was trying to add up on her fingers the months between my wedding and due date to make sure “it added up right”. I swear on my life this stuff is really true. And I missed blogging about it.

 

Then there’s the creepy lady in the Honeybaked Hams that as snifing me and talking about how we have the same credit cards in a nutty, “Single White/ Black Female” kinda scenario… and the lady in the Asian restaurant we go to that gave the Hubs a high-five for… and I swear on y life this happened… for KNOCKING ME UP! Yes. YES. Her words, not mine. Hubs was grinning from ear to ear. I turned red, a pretty amazing feat for a brown girl.

 

So much I’ve missed in my blogging hiatus.

 

Right now I’m just focused on one goal: Evicting the Bean. I love him so, but that will not stop me from serving him with a notice to vacate. The doctor keeps saying “big people have big babies” and seems to be on this mission to convince me that my baby will be born as the Son of Hulk, but so far nothing. The back and forth game of will he/ won’t he is pushing me to the edge, and I’m ready to take this into my own hands.

 

I call it the Peach-Bean Strategem, after one of my favorite episodes of Doctor Who, the Sontaran Strategem.

There are several steps to this process, and we will carefully follow each one to ensure a swift victory:

  1. Start eating spicy food more often.
  2. Enjoy more bouncy time on my yoga ball.
  3. Um… physical congress (yall get my drift)
  4. More walks (or penguin toddles) around the lake by our house.
  5. The tried and true method: the Eggplant Parmesan from Scalini’s.

 

# 5 is really the piece de resistance… the no-holds barred, guaranteed final step in the Bean Eviction Notice… women in Atlanta have been standing by this recipe for years. Messy Jessy the BFF added this one to my Strategem. As a Peach myself I feel I stand a good chance of this working for me too.

 

Bee (yall know him as the BBE, BFE, now the BHE   – Best Husband Ever) seems willing to go along with the plan. I can’t tell if he’s truly on board, or just afraid of his pregnant wife who seems to be endowed with superhuman strength, yet still seems to todle like a penguin, and get stuck in chairs like an upside down turtle.

 

Granted, the Peach-Bean Strategem may be as doomed as the Sontaran Strategem ( read the synopsis of the episode), but I’m sure it will make for some good stories. In the interim I plan to spend some quality time with the Bee, go do adult stuff that I probably won’t be able to d much of for a few years(any suggestions welcome), and take lots of naps in between my plotting, spicy food and yoga ball humping.

Yall pray for us…

 

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It’s My Birthday! No, not really.

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So I know you guys will enjoy this…

 

My clients that just left after a two-week program took us out to dinner at Kobe as a thank –you… totally unexpected and very, very cool. The staff for this conference was mostly male, and mostly pranksters. Every day, they pulled a new one on me!

 

So I should not have been at all surprised when after dinner, this dude with a giant drum comes BANG-BANG-BANG into the hibachi room, followed by one of our servers with a cupcake on a plate.

 

During dinner, we’d been talking about upcoming birthdays among the staff, so I’m clapping along with everyone else, trying to figure out whose birthday it is. I was virtually… no LITERALLY speechless when she plops that cupcake in front of me, lights the candle with her little lighter and starts leading everyone into a round f “happy birthday”.

 

My birthday is in December.

 

I was horrified and out of breath from trying not to laugh outright at our poor little server, who, by proxy, was now party to this joke. I’m also craning my neck around, trying to figure out WHO DID THIS.

 

As I’m struggling to breathe, and trying to work it all out, she crams this hat on my head.

happy birthday lol

THIS is why I don’t like restaurants singing happy birthday to me. Once when I was turning 16 I went with friends to a Bennigan’s on my birthday, where they made me dance on a chair waving sugar packets in my hands like castanets. I’ve been traumatized ever since.

 

 

Anyhoo, for the rest of the conference (we had one more day with them), every conference staff member snickered out a “happy birthday”

 

They all kindly signed my hat, so I will never forget them. Not that I ever really would but… 🙂

signed har

 

Say NO to Sag… and YES to tricorn hats!!

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Ok, I guess I should start by apologizing profusely for yet again letting an absurd amount of time pass between posts. What stinks is I’ve had so many things ruminating about in my brain, and just no time to share them!

 

This gem I’ve held on to since Saturday, just dying for a few minutes to tick-tack-type it onto my blog. But let me go back a few months, to Thanksgiving. The BFE and I did something that I do my best to NEVER do, unless it is an absolute emergency.

 

We went to Wal-Mart. On Thanksgiving Day, no less.

 

We were taking a dish to a friend’s potluck Thanksgiving Day dinner, and needed a couple of missing ingredients to put it all together. As we are walking in, a young man in front of us stops and bends over to pick up one of the turkey fryers that was on sale, exposing approximately 8-10 inches of red plaid underpants in the process. I couldn’t help myself: “Hey, I can see your underwear!!”

so no to sag

Not ok.

Plaid Guy, pauses, gives me a look that clearly says WTH: “Um… thanks?” Walks away.

BFE tugs my sleeve. “What’s wrong with you??”

Me: “Well it was obviously NOT a secret, I mean, he must have wanted us to know. He even had on decorative undies for the occasion! Christmas is coming!!”

BFE shook his head. I had to hear a lecture throughout our tour of Wal-Mart on how if the guy had bene rude to me then B would have had to deck him, and how he didn’t want to hit people, etc. etc.

pants on the ground

Honestly, I hadn’t seen the “sagging” pants trend in quite a while before this happened, and had forgotten that it was a “thing”.

 

Fast forward a few months, I come across another dude; this guy had clearly put some effort into his outfit, had everything coordinated and tidy, and he was, dare I say it, DAPPER… except for the 8-10 inches of undergarments staring (because “peeking” doesn’t even cover it), staring out at everyone from the back of his ensemble.

why

Sporting plaid for the holiday season – festive sagging!

Ok, first of all, how do they stay up? Normally your rear end acts as a natural “shelf” for pants. Do you walk about holding them constantly with one hand? What if you have a two-handed project, like carrying your fast food to the car, or walking the dog and picking up his poo with a bag? Is it a conscious effort to color coordinate the draws with everything else? Do they really think girls find them sexy? Like a girl’s gonna go “oooh, he’s displaying his clean and coordinated panties as a part of a normal highly stylized contemporary mating ritual, I must get with him and make him mine”? Finally, what purpose does showing everyone your unmentionables serve? Now we’re mentioning them, so are they technically still “unmentionables”? I have so many questions.

no ok

What’s funny is I’d forgotten about color coordinated guy until I saw something that sparked even more questions. Driving home from work the other day I saw I young man, probably 13, 14, 15. He was shirtless and showing off his bird chest, kinda in that defiant way, like he’s trying to own it, even though clearly puberty hasn’t come for a visit yet? Anyway, he’s walking down the street, bird-chested and shirtless, with sagging pants. Le Sigh.

 

But that’s not the best part! He was sporting a – wait for it – tricorn hat.

 

Yeah, like Yankee Doodle Dandy, Bee-yotch!

Yeah, like Yankee Doodle Dandy, Bee-yotch!

A TRICORN HAT! Like Captain Jack Sparrow was back, ready to take over the central Florida area!!!

 

Outside of tacky Disney tourists and bad Jack Sparrow Halloween costumes, I thought tricorn hats had disappeared from regular circulation, but here’s bird chest guy, strutting down the street a-la John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever, pimping a dingy, dusty tricorn hat. It was so effing weird.

Not as weird as these guys, but close.

Not as weird as these guys, but close.

I’ve had a few days to think on this, and I’ve come to the conclusion, what if guys stopped with the sagging pants as a “thing” and made tricorn hats the new “thing”??

 

Even women could get in on the new style, and totally rock them. I mean, I would look sooo bad-a$$ in a tricorn hat. You could wear big ones, small ones.

so rock this

I would SO rock this hat.

They could become the statement pieces at fashion runways and you could rummage at Marshall’s and TJ Maxx to find discount designer tricorns. You would know that the trend has reached its peak when you see Ryan Seacrest sporting on E!.

Glamourshots ain't got nothin' on my Olan Mills pics with my new tricorn hat!!

Glamourshots ain’t got nothin’ on my Olan Mills pics with my new tricorn hat!!

I’m serious!!! Say NO to sag, and YES to tricorn hats!!!! Who’s with me??!!!!

Parental Theme Park Survival Pack

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The BFE and I took an afternoon to do what Disney Annual Passholders do best: wander around the parks like entitled a$$holes, spending as little money as possible.

We stand in line at our first ride, Star Tours. OOomph… I get hit in the backside by a parent’s backpack. Next line, to see Phineas and Ferb (yes, I’m that kind of dork) and I get bumped by a back packing parent wriggling under the queue line chains to join her kid in front of us in line.

Walking down the sidewalk… wham, another damn back pack to the side. By the fourth backpack, I turn to BFE and begin to speculate, WHAT IS IN THOSE FRIGGING PARENTAL PACKS?

After BFE talks me out of asking a parent head-on about their packaging contents, we spend our wait time in the next queue line coming up with potential items in those mysterious, hulking planning-for-a-trip-down-the-Oregon-Trail back packs full of crap. Then we reached out to friends on Facebook.

Here’s the list we came up with:

– Gluten free snacks, because all kids are gluten intolerant these days, as well as allergic to nuts, berries, dairy and any non-vegan products
– Sugar free juice, so they don’t bounce off the walls
– Baggie of cheerios
– Ponchos for entire family
– Hand sanitizer
– Bug spray
– Sunglasses
– Sun screen
– Pull ups
– Socks
– Child leash, but honestly this doesn’t need to be in a back pack but ON YOUR CHILD
– Hats
– Comb
– Headband
-Nintendo DS, God forbid they be bored in line for 5 minutes
– Backup batteries for the Nintendo DS
– iPad for taking large obnoxious pictures and also for games for the kids – God forbid they be bored in line for 5 minutes
– Autograph books
– Backup autograph books in case the other ones are lost, damaged or filled
– Pens for said autograph books
– Extra pens for autograph books or backup books, whichever comes first
– Hand wipes, for cleaning up after gluten free snacks
– Walkie talkies to coordinate meetups during family reunions, parades, meals or multi-family Disney trips
– Harry potter wand, since people are confused about where “Harry Potter Land” is, and you never know when you will need a wand!
– Child’s polyester princess costume to whip out and quickly pull onto your child’s head for impromptu meet & greets with said child’s favorite Disney Princess (yes, I have seen this happen)
– Shout wipes, self-explanatory
– Stuffed bears, God forbid they be bored in line for 5 minutes
– Commemorative mugs from specialty drinks bought from various parks (these arw usually dangling from the back pack straps, like tin cups from a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail
– Diapers
– Bathing suits for when kids want to run through the sprinklers or for water rides
– Maps from all the parks including universal and sea world, because no one seems to know the difference
– Pirate sword or light saber, depending on child’s preference… once saw a kid with three light sabers on his belt, and our friend Ojeda pondered saber-jacking him even though he was only, like, 5. But that’s another blog post.

Suggested by friends:
– receipts from all the crap they bought at the park that day
– boogie wipes(apparently they are a real thing)
– coloring books
– assorted toys
– treats for potty training
– ear plugs
– a deprivation tank

Dear Lord, no wonder those parents are hunched over and exhausted. It isn’t from running after kids whose brains are about to pop from visiting where Mickey and pineapple floats and the spinnig teacups live. It’s from carrying those piles of crap like damn sherpas.

Pants Off… Everyday! Oh, Pink Tutus and a Peeping Tom too.

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So Pants Off Friday has kinda blown up into a clothing-free explosion! I am no longer restricted to just Fridays. Now it’s Pants Off Wednesday, Sunday, Thursday. Honestly, the only time I can guarantee full dress is when company is coming over. Right now I’m chilling on the couch in my pajama dress, trying not to resort to full Pants Off  Thursday. I have no idea when I bother. Just embrace my nature, right???

 

What’s new in the world of the Peach and the BFE… well, the BFE is working hard and loving his job, which is super awesome!! It’s wonderful to see him to happy and enjoying what he does. You can’t wish for more for someone, except maybe to hit the jackpot! We are going to a hockey game next week, which we’re both really excited about. I’m looking forward to beers!!! and fistfights on the ice! He’s a fan of the Tampa Bay Lightning, and I went to my first hockey game ever last week. It was a HOT MESS. I might write a post on my experience, so stay tuned. Any sport where the spectators can yell “beat his a$$!” while one player pummels another is alright in my book.

 

I started a new job recently, and it’s been crazy! I like it because it’s challenging and puts me out outside of my comfort zone. It’s forcing me to use my brain in ways I haven’t in a while… I’m back in a hotel, and having to think from a different perspective, speak to strangers, and not use the f-word quite so much. An added bonus is I get my own office!! which I plan to decorate for the holidays. I have a 3-foot tree with lights and decorations, and I even have an “apple spice and delight” scented candle in my office right now. Next I’ll bring in a gingerbread scented one!

 

Yes, I have an office! It’s exciting and lovely and I enjoy it. I’ve hung Audrey Hepburn pictures on the walls, and brought in nick-nacks, doo-dads and my little Travelocity Gnome to grace my bookshelves. When it’s not the holiday season I have a cotton candy scented candle that a friend gave me that makes the whole office  – and it’s primary resident (me) – smell like cannnndy! Although this breaks my cardinal rule – that big girls should NEVER smell like food – the effect is quite pleasant.

 

Candles are good for not just setting the mood, but also battling the one weird problem i my office. There’s a weird dog-food type odor near my desk, like someone mixed kibbles n’ bits together with kashi cereal (which is the consistently and flavor of dry cat food) and left a bowl of this mixture under my desk for my personal pleasure.

 

At least three times a day I find myself sitting in my office, working on BEOs and then… *sniff sniff* “where’s is that coming from?” I stop my work, and climb under my desk looking for the answer. I look crazy doing this, but what’s new. My co-workers should get a taste now of who they are working with. To date, I haven’t found the kashi-kibbles mix, just an old calendar and some post-it notes and a Cheerio, which I think is mine. Nevertheless, I know it’s there somewhere, taunting me. And ruining the effect of my holiday sensory experience.

 

Um… so yeah… I guess if that’s my biggest complaint on my new office I’m doing ok! The only thing missing from my office right now is the “emergency flask”… if you know what I mean.

 

What else is new? Sorry I haven’t posted in a while! The job offer and subsequent change happened really quickly, and right as the BFE and I were planning a weekend trip to Atlanta to visit the fam. We ended up taking Ojeda so he could have his first “Hotlanta” experience, and to go to a Baptist Church for the first time. Our trip, as it turned out, was over Pride Weekend, which added it’s own element of hilarity to the whole weekend. Our hotel overlooked Peachtree Street so we had a great view of the festivities. I understand that the guys especially enjoyed the parade of pink tutus on Saturday afternoon, while I was getting dressed. 🙂

 

This was my first trip home where I didn’t leave feeling really homesick and ready to plot my move back to Atlanta. I think we’re finally settling into a groove here in Orlando, and it feels like home, which is nice. Getting our own place – the BFE and I – really helped. It was a bonus for my pants-free habits, but also a really sweet little “nest” for us. It’s feels like our place.

 

Speaking of our place, our bedrooms windows are perfect for spying on our neighbors! We live catercorner to a super cute gay couple, and I enjoy spying on their entertaining and outgoing social life. Hey, it’s not wrong… it’s happening right outside my window. Which I have the blinds closed to. While I stare unabashedly to find out what’s going on. With the lights off so they can’t tell I’m a Peeping Tom. In my opinion it’s their bad for keeping their windows open! And being so loud when they fight.

 

The other night around 11pm they were arguing in the courtyard, and one of them stormed upstairs to pack up his things and leave. BFE and I were already in bed (we’re such an old couple, I mean, 11 pm and in bed? really???) but we woke up to someone shouting “dont f#cking touch me!” BFE gave me the play by play while I relaxed in bed. It was a nice bonding experience for us… stogether.

 

Hey don’t judge. every couple has their hobbies.

 

In unrelated news I just realized that my nightgown that I put on while enjoying Pants-Off Thursday is actually on inside out. I’ve been wearing it for 3 and a half hours and just now noticed. I think that’s a sign to log off now.

 

More posts to come again soon! Y’all miss me?

10 Things!! Again!!

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Yall remember this from last year??

WELL I was pinteresting as usual, searching for fun ideas when I came across this post from a cool blog called hopes & dreams: http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html

The blog post has 30 questions that you share and trade with your partner

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

 

 

Anyway, I sent my first 10 to the BFE. Check out my responses, and I’ll post the others as we go along. I encourage everyone to swap answers with the close people in their lives. It’s interesting to see how much stuff you already knew, and how much you didn’t!

 

From: Peach
Sent: Friday, September 14, 2012 5:32 PM
To: BFE
Subject: 30 Things
 
Here are the first 10. See my answers and send yours back!

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

  1. I’m left-handed
  2. My favorite color is pink
  3. I used to be a spelling bee champ in elementary school
  4. I’m addicted to social media
  5. I’m obsessed with being a good friend
  6. I think brussel sprouts are disgusting
  7. Really disgusting
  8. I love reading
  9. I probably apologize too much
  10. I hate people making me feel stupid
  11. I am a hopeless romantic, but I hate for people to see that
  12. I believe in reincarnation. I don’t think that makes me less of a Christian.
  13. I love dogs but I lurrrrrv cats!
  14. My goal in life is to be happy. Not to be a firefighter, not to be good at this or that, but ultimately – just be happy.
  15. I want to have kids one day.
  16. If I’m mean to you it’s because I like you and think you’re cool.
  17. I (not so) secretly adore crafting.
  18. Shows I watched between 2008 – 2012: The Tudors, Gossip Girl, Game of Thrones, The Borgias, Phineas & Ferb, The Closer, Rome.
  19. I am still hopeful that the show Firefly will make a comeback. Come back!!!!
  20. I have never truly and unequivocally been in love until the summer of 2011.


2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

  1.  I am afraid of car accidents – my family and I have been in quite a few and the worst one for me was hitting a dividing wall in a crash that could have sent me off of a bridge. They scare me so much.
  2. I am afraid that we won’t be able to have kids. I am also afraid that we will have kids that have disabilities and I won’t know how to handle that.
  3. I’m afraid my natural meanness will drive away the ones that I love.


3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

Shaky at times, and great at other times. I am afraid of failing them. My dad is a great listener, and my mother has high expectations, which I am fearful that I’ll never meet, because I’m not the person that she wants me to be.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

  1.    Wait!! Wait until you’re doing it for the right reasons.
  2. Don’t be such a wallflower. Be more assertive.
  3. Don’t be afraid to get in trouble at school, if that means you will lean over and tell that a-hole in your science class and on your bus to shut the f$%# up and leave you the hell alone.
  4. When that bully tries to push you around, but hide. Fight back. It’ll help you gain confidence in the future.
  5. Finish your homework! Dammit.
  6. DO NOT. PUT THAT NOTE. IN THAT BOY’S LOCKER. Please. I’m begging you.
  7. Don’t go to the interview at Pretzel Time. You’re allergic to yeast.
  8. When boys talk to you and your friends like that set a higher standard and move on, Martha, move on!
  9. When taking the PSAT, consider all of the school options and go for what you want. Stand up for what you want – fight for it. It’s your future!
  10. Remember how awesome you are! You do NOT have thunder thighs, you’re a size 8. Shut up.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

  1. “Nesting” with the man of my dreams
  2. Planning a wedding with the man of my dreams
  3. Realizing that I have os much love and support in my life, thanks to the people in it.
  4. I am heading to “date night” with my fiance
  5. I won 500 tickets at Dave & Buster’s this afternoon at the Staff Appreciation Lunch!

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
Arguing with my mother back in July, and what she said to me during that argument. I don’t think I will ever forget that. No one tells you how hard it is to forgive and forget. Especially the forget part.

7. What is your dream job, and why?
Samantha Brown’s job!! Hands down.

8. What are 5 passions you have?

  1. love & romance
  2. friendships
  3. travel
  4. making a difference in the world – leaving my mark
  5. I have to think on this one!


9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

  1. My Concierge Manager when I was at Gaylord Palms
  2. My American Lit teach in the 11th grade. Not for good reasons, though. She hated me.
  3. Samantha Brown – I realized you can make a living from travel!
  4. My fiance – he wears his heart on his sleeve and his sincerity makes me want to be less of an a-hole
  5. My mom – I spent most of my formative years trying to be the person she wanted me to be, and I think it set my own character development back because of it.
  6. Bill Clinton – because he’s Bill. Effing. Clinton.
  7. hmm… I owe you three more!

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
When I had an accident in the 7th grade when “my grandma” came ot town early. My acclerated program teach told me to tie my sweater around my waist – I didn’t know what happened, but my classmates did. It was only a few years ago that I could think of that situation without getting horribly embarrassed.

 
 
His response:
 
On Fri, Sep 14, 2012 at 5:33 PM, The BFE the.bfe@bfe.com wrote:

What is this? Homework? That’s a LOT OF STUFF!!!!

Uhm…ok. I”ll get cracking.

 

Focus

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Things in my life lately have been incredibly good. So good, in fact, that I’ve become nervous, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

When did we become to paranoid, so afraid to be happy? What’s wrong with just enjoying the moment, and focusing on what’s good? I’m going to use one of my terrible similes and say that being blissfully happy without worrying about anything else is like when you’re relaxed, and floating in your pool in the backyard. If you don’t pay attention, a giant wave will crash down on you, or a boat will run you over, or Jaws will come eat you. The fear is irrational because you’re safe in the pool! You can’t explain why you always worry, except that maybe you bumped into the wall of the pool once, but you can’t stop thinking about the bad things that will happen. So it’s easier to be cautiously happy, enjoying life while furtively looking over your shoulder for the boogeyman who is coming to snatch it all away.

 

I think I’ve been living in my relationship the same way. It’s hard to just relax and believe that someone simply loves me, the way I am, the silly, goofy, nerdy, fart-tastic, rowdy me, warts and all. So instead of focusing on the joy of being with the BFE, I keep glancing over my shoulder, waiting to see who is coming to put a stop to my life, take it all away and say “oops, sorry, this doesn’t belong to you anymore.” How much must I be missing out when I lose my focus and stop appreciating what I have?

 

There are life circumstances that will make you a skeptic. When life dropkicks you in the ass, and you never saw it coming. Getting laid, off, getting dumped, being financially comfortable one minute and broke the next. Having friends that you thought would be there forever suddenly just gone. Suddenly having no place to live. I’ve conditioned myself that eventually everything gold is sure to fade, so I can have a little fun but I must always keep my eyes open for what’s sure to come next and turn everything upside down. It’s a very negative way to look at the world and it is hard to change that mentality when it’s a fundamental part of who you are. Nevertheless it’s necessary if I want to own joy.

 

Even though I always see the down side to things, I still live for those perfect moments. Like when friends come for dinner and everyone’s talking and laughing and happy around your dinner table. When you look out your car window during your drive home and see a beautiful sunset, and just think about what an amazing world we live in. When the one you love caresses your face and nothing seems more important than memorizing that feeling. There are days I wake up, and think “I love my life”. There are moments when I look at the BFE and see all this love radiating from one person for me! Just for me! and I just revel in it. Yet something holds me back from being the person that relaxes and floats in the water.  I want to be a person that wakes up and finds joy in everything, without searching for the silver lining. I want to own my joy. Make sense?

 

So I’m going to start focusing on my goal: happiness. Whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be, my answer always used to be “happy”. Time to get back to basics. Time to start evicting anything and anyone in my life that does not serve the purpose of making me or those around me better, happier, more spiritually whole people. That includes my own emotional baggage. Wanna put people down? Gotta go. Like acting like an a-hole? Sorry, only room for one a-hole around here, and I don’t share space very well. It’s like deleting ex-friends from Facebook, but better. You’re releasing the hold any of their negativity has on your life. Is that harsh? Maybe. But no one said it wouldn’t be.

 

Sorry about my ravings tonight yall. Every once in a while it’s good to get it out, even it just solidifies that fact that I’m completely crazy 🙂