Tag Archives: sick

Balloon Tomfoolery and the ER


I don't even know what this is, but it's funny! And not at all related to my post.


So my dear friend KY arranged for a “yay! you’re engaged” happy hour gathering with the work peeps, the BFE and I on Friday afternoon after work! It was so thoughtful and fun! We had a blast, and KY even provided us with cute little “Congrats!” balloons that she tied to our chairs. We took them home, and it felt like taking a little bit of this thoughtful celebration with us.

I left the balloons in the car overnight, and brought them into the house on Saturday afternoon. I let them float in the corner of my room even though the fan was running, using my bizarre logic that the wind from the fan would push them away, not draw them in.Comforted by that logic, I indulged in one of my favorite things to do: take off my pants and relax in bed while playing on pinterest and Facebook.

Five minutes later my wind blowing theory was proven wrong when my ceiling fan sucked up one of my “Congrats!” balloons, spinning it into a loud vibrating blur. I hopped up, and immediately turned off the fan. The vibrating noise of the balloon stopped, and I sniffed a burning smell. The balloon ribbon had fallen into the fanlight and burned. Standing on my bed, I reached into the fanlight to grab out the pieces of ripped-up ribbon, bringing bits of dust down on my head and face. And that’s how the BFE found me, standing on the bed, pantsless, covered in dust and holding bits of burned ribbon. Unsurprised, he just shook his head.

End of story, right? Wrong.

The next morning I woke up with a scratchy throat and difficulty swallowing. Assuming it was an allergic reaction to dust, I popped a couple of sinus pills and some advil and went about my day. As we worked on chores and other things, I slowly began to feel more and more run down. By the time we got done with grocery shopping that afternoon I had a miserable case of fever and chills that simply wouldn’t go away. I was starting to wonder if this was more than just allergies.

By 10 o’clock that night I could barely stand with all the muscle aches, head ache, nausea, and fever. My breath was coming out in spurts. I was burning up but freezing. BFE finally talked me into going to an urgent care facility. Naturally, by the time I said ok, they were all closed early because it was Sunday (does this make sense to ANYONE??? People still get sick on Sundays. So confused.). We stopped at a Walgreens so he could buy a thermometer and really check how high my temperature was.Turned out I was at a blazing 104 degrees. So straight to the Celebration Hospital ER we went.


Now, to date I’ve been to the hospital twice: once as a kid in the ER for a soccer injury when I was about 8, and again when I was about 20, 21 after a vicious dog attack ripped open my arm a bit. I haven’t ever had surgery, broken bones, catheters, none of the scary gritty parts of being in a hospital. So it was all a little nerve-wracking, but having BFE there to take care of me really helped. I cannot imagine what it would have been like going through this alone!


We actually weren’t there as long as I thought we’d be. I’ve heard scary stories about emergency rooms: it can take hours to be seen, the care is substandard, the nurses are pushy and rude. This was totally opposite from my situation. My nurse was so ridiculously nice, and the doctor was great. We were in a room and under the doctor’s care in less than an hour. I think the spiked temp might have expedited things. They quickly assessed that I had “strep syndrome”, and my symptoms were a sever reaction to my body trying to fight off the virus or whatever. After giving me some meds and fluids I was starting to feel less crazy and freaked out and not so shaky. Eventually I was released with instructions to stay home for a few days, get antibiotics and fluids in my system and rest. The toughest part of my ER visit? They would let me have a blanket, since this insulated heat and I needed to break my fever. Meanies.


One thing I learned in my ER trip was that I am a Terrible Patient. I hate being sick. I crack horrible jokes, I cannot pee in a cup upon demand, and I whine constantly for blankets. Once my fever broke I became a sweaty mess in my hospital bed, still full of aches, pains, a sore throat and whininess. BFE nodded knowingly as the nurse outed me as a Terrible Patient, as if he’d known this all along. Hmmph. Whatevs. Pass me my blankie yo.


So if you’ve noticed that I’ve been rather proliferate with blogging these past few days it’s because I’m a captive in my own home, and strep is my jailer. I needed a few days away from civilization to get the antibiotics in my system so I was no longer contagious. I also needed rest and re-hydration. Most of Monday I could barely talk, although by the afternoon I felt well enough to get out of bed. The hard part was feeling well enough to be bored, but easily worn out after attempting more than a five-minute conversation. I broke into a sweat just taking the trash to the curb.I am planning my “outbreak” tomorrow, when I return back to work. I can’t remember being so excited to clock in and sit at my desk. I’ll probably plan out my wardrobe this afternoon and wash my hair. Something about being sick always makes my hair look so busted. NO ONE looks cute when sick.


So people, if you’ve learned anything from this long rambly blog today, here are some highlights to take with you:

– When bring balloons int he house, anchor them to something immediately. Don’t let them roam around.

– Dust your fans off often.

– Wear pants while dusting off said fan.

– Know the hours that your local urgent care facility is open. It could mean the different between a $50 urgent care co-pay and a $100 emergency room visit fee.

– It’s better to be the Terrible Patient than the sad one. If you’re the Terrible Patient it means you’re probably closer to getting well because you have the capacity to crack jokes.

– Find yourself a wonderful BFE… you’ll know he’s the right one when he’s the only one you’d ever want in the hospital room with you as you’re sweating like a lathered racehorse and whimpering like a little b!tch.

*Cough Cough*


I woke up yesterday with a snotty nose. So far it’s just been the occasional drip, but I’ve seen this before and I know better. I have a stash of kleenexes at the ready, just waiting for the “big one”. You know exactly the one I mean: that giant unexpected burst of snot akin to lava rolling down Mount Vesuvius.


Pretty hot, right? 🙂


I honestly don’t think I have a cold, I believe it’s just the byproduct of having a really bad sinus infection for over a month and then everything finally starting to drain. I also have developed serious allergies to dirt, dust, mold and basically all living things, which I think is a byproduct of getting old. It’s all rather disgusting, but as far as I know, NOT contagious. Knowing that fact still doesn’t stop people from saying “Ew, stay away! I don’t want to get sick!” while  involuntarily recoiling from you and reaching for their hand sanitizer.


This really bothers me because:

 A – Do you really think I’m the shitty kind of person that would deliberately infect you with my cold (unless you are my sworn enemy)? That I wouldn’t cover my mouth when I sneeze, not wash my hands and locate every clean plate, spoon and fork in my general vicinity and lick it so that everyone else can catch my cooties and be as miserable as I am? WTF? It’s insulting.

We all learned growing up that you should never pass your cooties to other people. Don’t cough into your hands, cough in the corner if your elbow. Wash your hands on a regular basis. Don’t share items when you’re sick. That sort of thing. Do people just think my mama didn’t raise me right? That I don’t know this stuff?

It makes me feel like Pigpen from the Peanuts gang. Remember him? The little guy that travelled with his own cloud of dust? It’s like I’m travelling with my own cloud of disease.


B – I don’t like touching people. I only give my closest friends hugs, and I don’t like bring hugged or touched by strangers. I typically keep a bubble of space around myself unless I absolutely have to let people intrude upon it, like in theme parks and movie theaters. So WHY do you think I’d want to get close enough to you to give you my crud?



C – Thanks for making me feel even crappier when I’m already feeling like a pile of poo. People that treat you like you have the bubonic plague are jerks that deserve to be incarcerated in a large nursery school and confined with 10-12 pre-schoolers with pink eye and constant diarrhea. Yeah, they piss me off that bad.

Let me just tell you what you already know: runny noses and post-nasal drip is awful. It makes your throat scratchy, and you feel clogged up and pissed off. You don’t sleep well, partially because you just don’t, I’m not sure why. You also don’t sleep well because you are afraid you’re gonna wake up encrusted in your own snot so you’re constantly blowing your nose or inspecting in case you have to blow your nose..  On top of that, if you’re like me and prone to over “self-medicating” you feel like you are hallucinating at all times.


Example: I took too much Tylenol Cold & Sinus last night. When I woke up around 3 am to get a glass of water my mind was practically wrapped in a cotton wool of crazy.

 Before I opened my bedroom door to get to the kitchen, I saw something shiny on the floor and proceeded to trying grabbing it for 5 straight minutes before realizing it was MOONLIGHT shining in from the windows! When I finally made it to the kitchen, I opened the cabinet with the bowls in them, confused about why the glasses weren’t in there. After I FINALLY found a glass, figured out how to work the water dispenser on the fridge and get my glass of water, I sat indian style in the bed, and poked BBE for another 10 minutes until he woke from his sound sleep, only to ask him if he wanted some of my water. I remember all this because I stayed awake after that for another hour or so putting lotion and socks on my feet and contemplating what made me crazy enough to do all those things. That kind of sick person is already too miserable and unhappy to focus on visiting their sickness upon you. So give us a break ok?


 Whew! I feel better after getting that rant out! Thanks so listening!! *snot snot*

Sick Behavior


I haven’t posted in almost two weeks… I must admit, not sharing all my business via blogging has been strange. 🙂


Firstly, let me start by saying tonsilitis sucks. I kinda wish I’d kept a diary of my crazy while I was sick – it’s amazing how much your behavior changes by virtue of a bacterial infection and the increasing paranoia that develops courtesy of seriously strong medication.


I was at book club… ahem, *Fight Club* when I first started feeling ill. Of course, my fellow Fight Clubberes were convinced it was the cheeseburger I ate, and taunted me for defying my lastose intolerance. LOL, one person even suggested I was allergic to cheese!!  By the time I got home I knew this was not cheese related. I immediately stripped down and slipped into bed, shivering uncontrollably. I tried to nap by dosing up on nyquil. Didn’t work. By the next morning, I could barely talk or swallow.


I need to pause to say this: Karma is a mean, bitter cranky vindictive hag if you piss her off. And I guess I must have, because the only doctor I could get an immediate appointment with was – yep, you guessed it – hot doctor. If I wasn’t already convinced that I needed a new doctor, my visit to his office that day definitely confirmed it.


I got to the doctor’s office, 15 minutes before my appointment, and watched as everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, even people that came in 20, 30 minutes after me were checked in and called back while I sat upright in my own personal version of hell – shivering and sweating, blood pressure and fever rising with the CASEY ANTHONY  TRIAL droning on the television. an hour after I arrived, I was finally called back and placed in a room for 30 minutes with – guess what? Another television showing the CASEY ANTHONY TRIAL. Seriously, I have no idea who I pissed off or why. Or why the Casey Anthony trial became the conduit of my misery.


When hot doctor finally came in the room, I was a disgusting mess: hadn’t taken a shower since the day before, sweaty hair and skin, heinous breath because it hurt too much to open my mouth wide enough to brush, crusty eyes because i passed out in a nyquil-induced haze before taking them out, heart pounding. I think I actually grossed the doctor out, because I’ve never seen him get in and out of my room so fast. He confirmed I had strep, then made me take a pregnancy test (WTF???) then I waited for another 30 minutes until the tech came back in the room, shot my arm and left butt cheek up with drugs and sent me to the Walgreens for my prescription. I didn’t even see hot doctor again after he made me pee in the pregnancy cup.


(FYI: I am not pregnant!!)


He never explained the medication or what was in the shots. He didn’t even tell me when I could go back to work or anything. I asked the tech when I could go back to work, and she was like “why didn’t you ask the doctor?” Hmm… maybe because I was too busy peeing in a cup and struggling to swallow and form basics words. I was a little surprised by the lack of beside manner, not just from the tech, but from the doctor as well. I seriously must have grossed him out. I kinda grossed myself out. I mean, normally I get a little tease or flirt – I got NOTHING. He shot out of that room like his lab coat was on fire.


I spent the rest of the week miserable – the drugs he gave me induced excessive diarrhea, headaches, nausea and insomnia. I became convinced that they were eating into my brain and ruining my IQ, even though the BF told me they were just antibiotics. I subsisted on baby food applesauce, chicken broth and red jell-o. By day four, when Casey the roomie offered me applesauce, I burst into tears because I was so sick of soft foods. I couldnt even tell him why I was crying because I couldn’t talk. Apparently I sounded like a “retarded Marlee Matlin”. Who says that to a sick person? Oh, wait. Guy roomies do.


Since I couldnt sleep I watched a lot of tv – I saw Who Framed Roger Rabbit? at least twice, caught up on my DVR and got it down from 96% full to 46%, watched I Love the 80’s on VHI. I didn’t read books or update my blog because my attention span was gone, and the insomnia meant I nodded off at random times for 5 minute spells – while putting on my socks, peeing, postingon facebook.


I actually MISSED work!! I had a serious case of cabin fever, and a raging desire for hush puppies.  I  wondered, is this what it’s like coming down from quaaludes?


I’ve always been fairly hard on guys when they’re sick – I mean, come on, men act like sad puppies when they’re sick! Not that I don’t have empathy for them, but I so rarely get sick that I forget what it’s like to feel so miserable. This was definitely a learning moment 🙂 …all I wanted from people was a hug, and maybe solid food and the ability to swallow. It’s amazing how people’s behavior changes when they’re sick.

On the flip side, I did lost 10 pounds – nothing will jumpstart a diet like a bacterial infection!!


Oh, and I officially hate red jello.